Whose Disease?
By Alison Gould

 

Hello Group, I felt compelled to write to you as a loving wife and carer to David Gould.

I've always said it's Dave's injury, but our problem.

I've known Dave for some 18 years, and have been married to him for nearly 12. During that time I've seen him change from an active, fun loving person, to someone who was nearly torn apart since his injury in 1995.

He was diagnosed as suffering from arachnoiditis in March of this year, which has helped him in a peculiar way, as he now knows that some of the symptoms he's been suffering can be explained, that he's not going mad, and that other people suffer the same. I sometimes think that I was the only person who believed in him, and told him so.

The suffering also affects the loved ones too. I was a PA to a Chief Executive and Finance Director of a large manufacturing company. I also had the responsibility for the company's personnel, and was being supported by them in my personal studies. I was on good money, with the prospect of increasing my income significantly once I gained my qualifications. I tell you this not to blow my own trumpet so to speak, but to let you know where I came from to where I am now.

I managed to hold the boat together for just over two years, although looking back it was slipping from about the 1.5 year point. I had a nervous breakdown and the company made me redundant in the end, with my agreement. I knew I couldn't go back and hold a responsible position while Dave was suffering so much.

It took me another nine months before I was able to return to work and took a job as a part time administrator. It was quite funny really - my boss kept telling me it was a stressed job - I don't think she knew what stress is, that was my previous job! I worked there for just over a year.

During that time I realised that Dave needed me more and more, he was having trouble holding things together, and the arachnoiditis was causing him more and more pain, (although we didn't know that was what it was at the time). While I was at work I was spending as much time worrying about him as I was doing any work.

So in May of last year we took the decision for me to give up work and become his full-time carer. Financially it's a crippler, as I'm sure others experience. It was definitely the right decision though. While I'm not able to help him much physically (boy does that bother me) I think I do ease his pain emotionally. Sometimes it's enough for him just to know there's someone there for him, and who truly believes in him.

As an ex-PA I used to be quite good at typing. As Dave finds it extremely painful to sit down at the PC for any length of time and type, we've worked a way together. I sit and act as his hands while he suggests what I should type (he says he's not a dictator!).

I'm sorry I've rambled on a bit - sometimes I too have difficulty with concentration and getting things in the right order. I've just written this straight from the heart.

Getting to the point, what I wanted to say is that in helping Dave communicate; I too have gained tremendous support from the group.

Alison