10 Resolutions logo: coping with chronic illness or chronic painResolution 3: Letting go

  • I let go of parts of my past life that are over.

  • I may grieve what is lost, but I am committed to living well with what is.    I face my present reality with creativity and vigor.    I find new ways to make my life rewarding.      




When change comes, you let go of the old to make room for the new.

The “Old me”.

  • The “old me” had a certain life style, things you liked to do, people you liked to see. You have worked and had an identity. If your occupation has changed because of your condition, your old job might have been a been a big part of who you were. You have been proud of the kinds of things you could do, your skills.

The “New me”

  • The “new me” finds things different. The world is not the same as it was. If you are limited by your condition, you might be unable to do what you used to. This is going to hurt. If you can't do your profession any more, you might miss it. Some people find that they don't know who they are now. The “new me” isn't all that clear. Worse, they look at the “new me” and don't like what they see. What is there to be proud of, or to connect to?

The “Me I'm becoming”

  • Who do you want to become? This is really important. At some point, you need to let go of who you were, so that you can become the person you are going to be now. You hold yourself back by holding on to things that are not there any more.

  • The need for a dream, a vision:  What kind of possibility dream do you have for your life now?

A challenge:

Some people find that they have tried making changes repeatedly, for example, in getting a new career going.  Over and over, things have not worked. They get tired of trying.  Worse, they have had so many set-backs that they don't want to risk another one.

If this describes you, here is the challenge:  Will you still keep your possibility dreams alive?  What will you do to keep your weariness and discouragement from taking over? What would be worth a risk?


The challenge of change.

Change is often painful.

When we lose something that it is important to us, we grieve. It hurts. If we are attached to something and that thing goes, it feels bad. There is a sense of loss. If the thing we are attached to is our old life, it's going to affect us pretty deeply. For example:

  • sadness or grief
  • anger or bitterness
  • numbness, confusion
  • withdrawing from things
  • loss of energy and motivation
  • emptiness

This is quite natural, and you need to let it happen.

This was going to happen, but it happened too soon.

Many people feel that they could accept that one day they were going to have to give up things. Maybe when they are old and retired. This seems ok, natural, and we accept it. But when it comes about UN-naturally, it seems wrong, more upsetting. Maybe there was not time to really prepare for the change years ahead. And people have plans for their lives. Getting sick or injured can throw this off. Where are those dreams now?

Holding ON holds you BACK: Commit yourself to living well with what you HAVE.

This is it. “The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery”, it's said. Commit yourself to living with today. Use your creativity and energy to create things in your new life that make it worth the effort.

Take an inventory. What can you still do?

  • What is already around you that can be rewarding?
  • Is there anything that you have shut off that might be worthwhile?
  • Have you disqualified some activities or role for yourself with judgment about it not being 'good enough', “It's just not the same”, or “I shouldn't have to”.
 

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Provision of information on this site in no way constitutes a professional relationship, and in no way substitutes for medical assessment or advice. Use this thoughtfully, and consult with qualified professionals before making any important changes in your treatment plan.

Copyright © Brian Grady 2002 - 2003. All rights reserved.

Last update: Sunday March 16, 2003































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