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 Efforts
to cope that had limitations.
Please e-mail me your own examples.
There are lots more.
Pain avoidance:
If a condition is painful, the usual reaction is to avoid doing
any thing that makes the pain worse. This is generally the right
thing to do when the pain is a signal of damage to the body. In
chronic pain, though, the pain may be an alarm signal gone wrong.
The nervous system itself can start to act strangely,
over-reacting to safe signals (like heat or light touch), and
failing to turn off after a legitimate “danger” pain
signal has been sent.
Fear: Fear of
movement is natural when movement feels bad. Fear is helpful
when there is danger. But after living with a condition for
some time, most of the real danger is over or is known.
Case
Example 1
Tension: Tensing
up actually has some pain relieving effects – at the time.
The problem comes when the body gets into this as a habit,
forgets to relax, develops painful muscle spasms, or stiffens up
and is less able to move well.
Case
Example 2
Push harder:
Sometimes people faced with limitations just work more and more
to keep up. This can be very draining, and may worsen the
condition.
Case
Example 3
Too much rest: Rest
is often good while the body is first healing from an injury.
Prolonged rest builds depression, increases pain, causes weakness
and stiffness, and is quite boring for everyone involved.
Case
Example 4
Why me? This question is an effort to
understand what is going on, and what it means. The problem with
this question is that it does not get you very far.
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What is a positive relationship with something difficult
and unwanted?
 A
positive relationship has already begun with the 1st
Resolution, accepting it.
This will look different in
different people. Once a person accepts, even a little bit, that
they have a problem, and that what they have been doing has not
been as useful as they wanted, the way is open to finding better
ways to manage.
A
positive relationship says “What am I willing to do, to
adapt and adjust to this, or to heal myself?”
Positive means constructive, and
realistic. It means working with it, not against the condition. It
means changing what you can, and adapting to what you can't. It
means doing your own work and healing. You take responsibility for
what only you can do.
It
takes a neutral or matter-of-fact, practical approach to the
various problems the condition gives.
Be as practical as you can. Assume there are solutions, and go
find them. Don't waste too much energy being mad at the facts. If
you do get angry, use that energy to do something constructive.
Take your problems one at a time, not all at once. Deal with
today's problems today. And learn new skills
to deal with your new situation.
In contrast, anger, worry, and depression are common reactions.
They are very human, and normal but when they last they can become
toxic. At a point, they can even affect the health of the body.
Emotional depression is linked to a depressed immune system.
Unresolved anger is linked to tension, and heart disease.
It
involves love and care for your body.
Some people feel betrayed by their body. Others feel like they
have failed. Some people are angry at their body. You and your
body need all the care, compassion, and love you have, and then
some. You need to look after You. Your body is you. Cherish your
body and help it, and give it what it needs.
It
looks for meaning.
What possible meaning can there be in your illness? Some people
find deeper faith. Others discover what is really important to
them. Now they value each day and savour a breath of fresh air.
Marriages have been saved and deepened as the couple deals with
the challenges together. You may get to find out who your real
friends are, and it may not be who you expected. You may find
unexpected strength in yourself, or compassion you used to lack.
Ask: “What opportunity does this illness give
me? What does it allow me to do that I never could do before? What
is it asking me to become?”
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Resolution 2: Positive relationship with condition